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October 20 From heart and mind alikeHey again,
Are you there? I really need to get some things off my chest. I've been reflecting alot latley. It seems who I was has met up with who I am. I look in the mirror when I wake up and behind me I see everything in my past. So I look away to really look, nothing but a bathtub. I look back into that mirror and I see my future, it's blurry and that scares me.
You know how I told you about November forth of 2006? though I was so worried I admitt I felt a warming comfort. What do you sapous that means? You think anyone who can't breath and is being rushed to a hospitol honestly should feel that way? Maybe it's because of the fight I was fighting.
That reminds me. I know I say it all the time but THANK YOU for keeping him safe! He's the best part of me now a days and always. I know that he's happy. Not to say that I don't miss him, but you knew that didn't you?
Something I would like to ask for myself if that's ok? Please help me to be stronger I can't take much more abuse. This mental game thats spilled over the top of the pot. As you know I'm sure the mental games have gotten physical and I can't wrape my head around it. Really how long can I be expected to hide bruises and broken/dislocated bones?
Please....Just....just some strength. help my heart and trust become sheiled. I need you! What have I done?
   Love, Amandalyn Renee' Ferrara |
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