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    October 07

    we were ment to fly

     Because i like it ALOT!

    as in goosebumps alot

    Meaning/Love-vids

           
    September 29

    Where'de you go?

     *tears up*

    Phantom of the opera

     I love this song. and i love singing it aswell

    Past the point of no return!

     I'm there!

    Music of the night

     can you hear the music of the night?

    Shrink notebook

     
     
    12:14 pm
    that's what time it is and im talking to a damn note book instead of a flesh and blood person.
    is that a bad idea useing a notebook as someone to tell my problems to?
    i mean a notebook can't judge me and when questions are being asked i know it's me asking them but i have an easier time answering them....
    silly me talking to a notebook telling it my problems..i must be desprate to figure out whats bothering me at the depths.
     
    I should reach out but i dont because i feel most people don't really care
    I know im not the only one who just needs a friend to confide in....
     
    GRRRR!
     
    I'll stop rambleing on now.Umbrella
    September 28

    Help!!

    Crying I want to write more in my book Anaweania and The Dark Prince but i cant i am afraid to put more into it i need some advice. I'm troubled.Umbrella
    September 26

    Pray or Preditor?

    (Let it be known that I Amandalyn R.Ferrara, am in no way standing up for sick or nasty perverts, OR anybody else. I am simply stating my thoughts on this topic.If names are used they are of  fake people,and are used for examples in my "Articals")
     
     
     
    You know how if you flip on the news or read the paper ,even the radio, you hear about how some young girl or even a man who was sexually asaulted?
    Ofcorse, who hasn't, even if it was on some television show we have all herd about it and therefore know about it.
    Isn't it likely that this wouldn't happen so much if for example females wern't such teases? I mean really acting like a tease and then treating people like there lower than you is almost asking for it.Not to mention the few females who walk around in nothing but a 3inch skirt and tank all year round.
     
    Now i feel I should say that Nobody deserves to be treated in that fashion, and I am also DEFINATLY NOT saying to those who have been asaulted that it is your fault.However maybe you should look at how "teasing" looks from the other persons point of veiw. If your being a tease and acting in a certain manner then they might think you are hinting at something or sending signals when really your just being creul with or without that intention.
     
    (The same goes for you men out there aswell,although i'm pretty sure you're all not wearing 3inch skirts and tanks.)
     
    So to state my question(tittle)..."are preditors really the ones falling pray?"
     
    I belive that it is very possible that the actions of the asaulted  could make them the preditor until something happens to them and things go TOO far.
     
    Now i know there's the whole deranged phycho path thing and other illnesses that can be brought into play but i am not going to get into all of that at this time.However i will say it's still not your fault if you were asaulted.
     
    (you don't have to like my thoughts but they are what they are, and definatly better spoken then typed out on a peice of paper)
    September 25

    Smile when in pain,Forgive but never forget

    "...And though I smile ,I am in great pain.
     And though I forgive, I shall never forget."
     
     
    How many people do we see everyday with a false smile?
    You really can't answer that, can you?
    The people that are in great pain but you would never really know it unless you knew them to the depths. Maybe it's the lady who bags your grocries, with a bruise on her arm, that you just so happened to see but you never say anything, Or maybe it's the guy next door who has a shattered heart and a dead end job but he still stives to make his family happy.
    Do you really know if they're "ok" or if they are crying on the inside kicking and screaming wishing for something else?
     
    Let's go back to the lady who bags your grocries.
    That bruise she so eagerly tries to hide came from her husband. He gave it to her when reaching for her arm and squeezing it telling her that this is the way things are going to be and there's nothing she could do about it.She forgives him because she must have done something wrong, crossed a line and broke "The Rules". She might forgive him but she will NEVER forget about that moment she bares a bruise to remind her everyday of what happened, thus she feels like a horrible person because she must have done something to drive him to the point of rage and he wound up hurting her. The cold truth is her husband is erragant and perinoid over stressed and lonely,  maybe more or less of these things, or maybe just maybe he is just an asshole who gets off on controlling her. No matter what it is she will always think it was her fault because she's the one he hurt.
     
    Now how about the guy that lives next door.
    He tries so hard everyday to get up and take care of everything. He feels he has to do it all, that his emotions don't matter and that he HAS to come last. He gets up everyday and goes to a job he knows will wind him up ,well, NOWHERE. He passes many faces everyday including yours but he is to afraid to reach out for help. All he really wants and needs is a friend , someone to lean on from time to time. Then it happens he finally introduces himself to you in the hope of a friendship, a friend. Ofcorse you introduce yourself back but that's the last time you talk for a very long time.Now he forgives you because he knows that your a busy person and he knows that he HAS to take care of his family,however he never forgets.He never forgets because he sees you every day and remember's the one time he gained the courage to reach out for a friend.
     
    "...And though I smile ,I am in great pain.
     And though I forgive, I shall never forget."
     
    Three months later you relize you haven't seen the lady who usally baggs you grocries, you figure she has taken the day off or has quit her job,but you still wonder, or do you?
    And the man next door it becomes as if he was never really there at all but a figment of your imagination.You can't help but to wonder if he is ok and needs a friend, but ofcorse you are too busy and a preasious minute of your time can not be spared so you don't go check up on him.
     
    A week goes by and no sign of either of these two, you wonder about them all the time now but are still too busy to check on them.You go about geting your news paper and come across two loose peices of paper which fall upon your table, landing next to your morning cup of coffee. You pick up the first one and it's a suicide note to you. It's from the bag lady,it sais the fallowing:
     
    Dear(____),
                 I know you saw the bruise that day at the market.Don't think to much of it
    I have by now taken care of all my problems.I do feel bad I have wrote this letter to you
    and that I have left problems for others around me aswell though. I know you saw the fearfulness
    in my eyes every time you saw me.If only you might have said "what happened?" things might
    be differant.Not that this is your fault in any way shape or form.My husand has beaten me for the last time
    I will no longer be a victum of his uncontrollable rage. NO, instead I will cut through the pain he
    has gained pleasure from and.....
     
    The rest of the letter is blured out and then a sgnature...
    Regretfully,
                      Sandra  R. Miller
     
    P.s. I'm sorry.
     
     
    You sit back and do you cry?
     
    You then pick up the second tear staind letter.It sais....
     
    Dear(___),
               I really needed a friend and i had finally worked up the courage to reach out
    but you were to busy to notice this.I don't blame you it's just even I see you everyday in a rush to get from here to somewhere else.I just wanted to say take some time and enjoy the mystrys in life and thank you for wondering if I was ok all those days.Yes I saw you looking worriedly over to my door.Even though I hardly knew you, reaching out to you helped me relize I shouldn't expect to have everything on my shoulders, but unfortunatly I know no other way so I say good bye to you and with many thanks.
     
     Many Thanks,
                            Thomas J. Richardson
     
    "...And though I smile, I am in great pain.
     And though I forgive, I shall never forget."
     
     
    People around us are in need and though you may not know it they might see you as a friend or someone to save and love them.Don't be blinde!
    September 23

    Feel My Emotions

      

    Have you ever.....

    group4 062
     
    Have you ever tried so hard to reach your dream and in this one point in time you finally get a taste of what you where trying to reach, and then somehow some way it just gets farther away as if it wants you to try harder to reach it.You want to go for it so bad you can practically picture what would or could happen but your so afraid to go after it because you don't belive in yourself. You tell all thoughs around you that you have the strengh or the will and that your "ok" but your not and what's amazing is your true friends or people who really truley know you  know something is wrong with you, and most the time they want to help, they just don't know how to exactly because they only know the little bit  of the problem that they can see.
     
    Well if so join the club
    I wish i knew how to help myself feel a little better
    i sapose i'll figure it out sooner or later.
    And to all my "true" friends and people who truely care about me,
    THANK YOU
    Umbrellai feel a bit better knowing you want to help me as much as i doUmbrella
     
    September 21

    Would you belive me??

    group5 016(this is just the last part the most important part)
     
     
    If I told you that there is at least one person in this world, that would walk to ends of the earth to save your life; who would stand by your bedside at night, just to make sure you get to sleep ok; who would give everything they have, just to make sure that you never get hurt; who would take their own life, just to make sure yours isn’t taken by mistake; who would sit you down, look you straight in the eye, and tell you that they love you… and mean it; who would hold you while you cry; who would actually listen to what you had to say, no matter what it is, what time it is, or how stupid it might be, and wouldn’t criticize you for it; who would stay up all night while you sleep and just listen to you breathe, just to make sure it doesn’t stop; who wouldn’t hesitate to take the fall for you; who makes you their everything………
    Would you believe me?
    September 19

    Just litsen.....

     Very sadUmbrella

    what do you think?

    September 17

    Midnight Marble-PART 1

    Photobucket

    Midnight Marble

     PART 1

    can i hurt you?

    do you understand that i need to?

    can i kill you?

    do you mind if i try?

    i have been waiting for someone like you,

    but now your slipping away.

    it's all around, getting closer into my world.

    I'll just close my eyes ,to hide the truth.

    I won't give up, I will make it!

    Now all colors seem to fade away

    i can't reach my soul

    This tares me apart, what can i do?

    It tares me apart that you'll never know

    why i locked that door,

    leting memories fade into emptieness

    I'm numb, what can i do?

    It never looks it, but i have sacrificed for you.

    giving up all i ever knew.

    Changing my ryhme just for you.

    i know i let you down.

    sometimes i stare at the moon,

    in the cold winters yule thinking about all we wanted to do.

    We closed our hands and that all faded away.

    like wiping a snowflake off of a monical lense

    our plans for our futures slate was wiped clean again.

    Now once again i enter my world making sweet plans,and what do i see?

    The night is black, the moon is red and ball gowns sway to and fro across

    the midnight marble.Passions turn to lustful poisons, that bring the passion

    back to us,And my memories keep you within my world.

    A winding stair case leading to my mind,

    A twisted labrenth from witch it seems no escape.

    deep grays and blacks and bright yellows and reds.

    I'm torn, to go left i would be amongst that of darkness.

    to go right i would be amongst that of brightness,

    but brightness can be darkness and darkness can

    be bright,so still torn i stay in the middle peering

    down both ways.

    Going down this winding stair case to the heart

    it leads, i must find out whitch way i need to go.

    asking my heart what it desires it answers back, you already know

    whitch way to turn, in your mind.

    And so in my world we return to the midnight marble and dance,planing

    our future once again.

    I see a rather large house, it resides by a small vineyard.

    in this house are several rooms but i care not about the rooms as

    i am fasinated by the winding stair case like the one in my world.

    Stone fences, vineyards, and the one i love.

    i go to my world but i have not yet found what way i desire

    to go and return to the midnight marble, but there is nothing but cobwebs and

    dust, along with the remaining skelitons of those who walked the halls of my

    world and danced upon the midnight marble.

    Old parchment paper with my words upon them fly from the sky and lay on the

    midnight marble.That's when it hits me. It's not witch way to go, for i wish

    to go both ways,as i must.In my world i close my eyes and walk up my winding

    stair case, i try real hard and the dark and the light colash into one giant

    laberenth for the truely daring shall return.

    Wicked smiles, beautiful roses,slithering snakes ,and deciving masks.all

    seems right but is it really?

    No i don't belive so sais a voice in the back of my mind,

    that laberanth of both the dark and the light, as it sould be.

    In my world a crimmson twists with a black and with the soaft passionate

    melody of the violins a mask is formed.Shall i reach for it and sway the night away

    as the one i truly was ment to be, or stand back and be who i am wanted to be?

    Reach! Reach! Reach!

    say the voices of my world,and so i reach and place the mask over my face i am

    now frail as a flower and as strong as a soilder in combat.

    Now i find the wieght of the world on my shoulders,

    maybe if i steel the sun nobody will notice.

    Adrenaline pumping,

    Sweat driping of my nervous body,

    My world, my place to be lost and never found.

    I want it that way.

    Delosions,

    Illosions,

    Im not going crazy im just a mystry,

    dare you figure me out and dance upon the Midnight marble,

    with the skelotons of my past presant and future?

    One velvet black rose petel falls upon the Midnight marble,

    ripples going outwards like a stone skipping on a pond.

    My life has been lost in the crowd.

    Should i open up my eyes and

    let all memories reconstuct?

    Should i open them and remember, or let you lose my face in the crowd of swaying gowns

    on the midnight marble?

    My face is lost in this crowd,

    come and find me if you care,

    if you dare to even care.

    With all self control disappearing,

    and rotting on the walls,

    my world seems to be dieing all over again.

    I run up the winding stairs but what

    am i running from?

    perhaps the writing on the wall, it tells me

    my feutres bleek and rather small.

    I am not perfact but please excuse the wall i

    put up from time to time.

    I run into my labrenth. stick figures dancing in the dark.

    baby's breath dieing over each ark, and my words mean nothing aperently.

    branches reach out and tear my gown.

    cuts on my legs blood running down,

    find me if you care,find me if you dare.

    falling to my knees,

    I'M LOST, HELP!

    i would never admit it but i need you tonight and everynight.

    I need to see your eyes ever so bright,

    your forgiving smile.

    Miles from the Midnight Marble

    stuck in the snow i look at the stary sky and full red moon.

    a melody begins to play and i must fallow ,but i am perlized.

    So i lay here and wonder why.

    The stars beggin to dance,

    and the trees sway to and fro as

    if they were dancing on the midnight Marble.

    .

    My eyes beggin closeing slowly, as

    one last snowflake falls upon my poclien face.

    I'm giving up and there is no hope.

    The last words i whisper are carried to you in the wind.....

     

    Come and find me my love i need you.

    I've stepped out of the light and theres a stranger inside.

    My eyes close and i fall into a deep slumber.

    a slumber in my world, keeps me in a slumber in reality.

    lost is my smile to the world for seven years.

    Seven years passed and i awake in my world,

    i awake in reality and your still by my side.

    The only one by my side who cares

    .
    September 11

    Creepy muic box

     

    Umbrellajust close your eyes and let images go through your head....i wonder what you'll see?Umbrella

    September 04

    I Never needed a friend (Till now)

     
    This song made me tear up quite a bit (i don't know why) i hope you like it if you even watch it.Umbrella